My Night At The Hollywood Premiere For 'MaXXXine'
Behind the scenes at the Chinese Theater and Chateau Marmont
MaXXXine
Fame is kind of like an inside joke. It really only works for people who are in on it.
That’s my biggest takeaway from attending a red carpet premiere at the Chinese Theater this week, an L.A. fantasy for many. Singin’ In The Rain canonized the location in 1952 with its opening scene, which showed hundreds of fans screaming for Gene Kelly as he strode the red carpet in front of it (don’t forget that scene is set in 1927, meaning this has been the epicenter of Hollywood glamor for almost 100 years).
I want to tell you what it was really like…but not in some lame attempts to spoil the magic. In many ways, I think the key to living happily in Los Angeles is to both acknowledge that the city is the so-called “mirage factory” and to participate in maintaining the kayfabe for both for yourself and others, like a younger sibling on Christmas.
With that in mind, the only way to approach an occasion like this is to put on your coolest outfit and pretend like you’re Gene f—n Kelly.
When you arrive, you’re thinking that being on the VIP Will Call will mean cutting the giant line you see winding down Hollywood Boulevard, until you get instructed to go stand at the back of it, next to a guy selling knock off jewelry and a cosplay Batman. No matter, because you end up positioned directly behind an actor you recognize from that one show you really liked but can’t think of the name of. And you can’t think of his name. And no one else recognizes him, so no one else thinks this is cool (which is kind of my point). What was his name! Argh.
As you get closer to the theater, you see what appears to be dozens of protestors outside the theater, chanting and holding up signs that say things like “Hollywood is the devil’s playground.” You’re naive enough to think they must be mad about the movie, which you know centers around a pornstar and features some gnarly kills. Then your friend posits that they may be paid actors, hired by A24 to drum up fake controversy. He’s right. The first mirage.
The red carpet is on your left as you get your tickets. In that direction it’s lights, camera, action. Halsey poses for photos wearing what’s left of a sparkly gold dress. You walk on concrete to a folding table to retrieve the envelope with your tickets in it. Stop for a picture and a security guard quickly whisks you inside because you’re slowing traffic.
The theater is big and beautiful and historic. These four walls feel important, mostly because every famous actor ever has sat inside here and stared at the same ones as you are now. Then an introduction. First the director, Ti West, followed by the cast: Elizabeth Debicki (so tall!), Lily Collins (so short!), Giancarlo Esposito (Gus Fring!), Kevin Bacon, Halsey and then the star, Mia Goth. They’ve done three movies together in five years, but it seems like West and Goth don’t have much to say to each other. Some awkward hugs and “I love you’s” and mercifully we’re on to the movie.
When the lights go down it’s just like watching a movie anywhere else. People in the crowd cheer randomly whenever their name pops up or they first appear on screen. The guy who dressed up as Charlie Chaplain a few rows ahead of you is mercifully redeemed when he shows up as a Chaplain impersonator for less than a second on screen (if wearing a band’s t-shirt to their concert is a faux pas what is dressing in full costume from the movie you’re in?).
The movie is about this very same ambition to be recognized. To be famous. It completes the trilogy with X and Pearl but doesn’t feel prohibitive to those that haven’t seen them. Our titular Maxine is a porn actress who lands her big break as a scream queen on a horror movie, while her life parallels the same horrors. It’s stylish and propulsive and very confident, even if there’s a secondary ending scene tacked on that leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Definitely one of the better movies you’ve seen this year.
When the movie is done you hit the bathroom, and end up washing your hands next to the same actor you couldn’t identify in line. He played a coroner in one scene of the movie. Wait, “Halt and Catch Fire!” That was the show. He was great in it. But you still don’t know his name, so you can’t genuinely say “big fan,” and it feels a little strange to say “great job” to him for two lines of dialogue. So the moment passes.
It’s at that exact time you realize you misplaced the envelope that had your wristbands for the after party. Panic ensues. You race back to your seat but the envelope is gone. You blew it. Then an usher assures you they have a list of names there, don’t worry. You can’t help but feel like a fraud.
You hail an Uber on the sidewalk standing next to the guy who plays Guillermo from “What We Do In The Shadows.” Him you do recognize, but then your ride arrives and you’re off just as quickly.
Pulling off sunset strip to the Chateau Marmont in an Acura feels out of place behind all the Black SUV town cars, so you ask to be let off on the curb. Thankfully you look the part of someone with a pass, so the security lets you through. There is a list and your name is on it. You’re waved on. Butterflies.
The interior of the Chateau feels like country club meets “Bridgerton.” There are servers walking around wearing white shirts and black vests, and all you can think about when you see them is the show “Party Down.” The choices upon entering are a margarita or an espresso martini, and you’ve decided it’s a tequila kind of night so you opt for the former. It’s strong and it’s free and it’s gone quickly.
The courtyard is beautiful and well-decorated and full of pseudo-celebrities. The crowd orbits around the center of the courtyard, where the movie’s cast is posted up. People shuffle through to assure them they were fantastic and the movie is fantastic and isn’t everything just fantastic.
The smart ones shake the necessary hands and plot an early exit. You’re surprised how long Kevin Bacon and his wife Kyra Sedgwick (“The Closer,” “Brooklyn 99”) last before tapping out.
It turns out this entire night is actually more about spotting that one guy or girl from that one thing. We’re not talking about Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio. If you think about the type of person who would come out on a Monday night to an event like this without being connected to the project, it’s someone who has achieved just enough fame to score an invite but not so much that they are sick of being recognized or tired of recognizing others (the perfect example of this was from the first premiere you attended a few years ago, when you saw Weird Al Yankovic).
Make no mistake, these that-person-from-that-things are gawking the same way us normies are. For instance, you see the rapper Young Gravy excitedly approach someone he says he recognizes as being that girl who was in that one movie with Michael Cera. He asks her what she does and to spell her name: K-A-T-E B-E-R-L before the algorithm identifies the well-known comedian and actress (the movie he was referring to was Dream Scenario).
You strike up a conversation with Young Gravy as you two are waiting for drinks at the bar. He’s nice and comments on your attempt at on-theme 1980s attire but moves on quickly once he realizes you are definitely not a that-person-from-that-thing.
With so many that-person-from-that-things packed into a close proximity, it starts to lose all meaning. Kathryn Newton from Ant-Man, one of the Sprouse twins, Zoey Lister-Jones from The Other Guys. Sophie Thatcher from “Yellowjackets.” You want to talk to Eli Roth, because he was “The Bear Jew” from Inglorious Basterds and you liked the movie he directed Thanksgiving from last year, but you’re worried you might have to get into a conversation about the upcoming Borderlands, which you think looks terrible.
You lose your mind for a second when you see Alaina Haim, because she was the lead in your favorite movie of 2021 Licorice Pizza. You could care less about her primary gig playing in Haim with her sisters, or the fact that they opened for Taylor Swift for some of the Eras Tour, two facts that make her enormously popular among the other that-person-from-that-things throughout the night.
It’s in this context you realize that all the movies you watch are only as special as you make them out to be. To these people, it’s work. It may be the fulfillment of a lifelong goal, or it’s maybe just the only gig they could land at a given time.
There’s nothing that makes them more special than the rest of us, other than perhaps the high cheek bones and flawless skin, but for one night in this walled garden (literally) we all agree to an unspoken pact that everyone’s a star and the world is alright and people still care about movies.
In exchange, we get a buzz off whatever fumes of fame are left behind by the stars who have graced this courtyard, both tonight and over the past several decades. You admit you feel it too. Or maybe that was all the free drinks.
