Every movie I've watched during the quarantine
No Content for Old Men
with Matt Craig
About a week and a half ago, the world turned upside down. Sports were abruptly cancelled, toilet paper became more valuable than gold, and oh my goodness America's uncle Tom Hanks got the virus! I too found myself in a state of desperate panic, having in a matter of hours seen my freelance writing work (covering sports) evaporate and my hours at my restaurant job get slashed.
The only thing I had to get me through that (thankfully brief) period of unemployment and the (seemingly endless) period of quarantine since has been movies. I've watched a bunch of them. Some high art and others low trash, some new and some old, some addressing our current moment and others purely diversionary. Although I'll be honest, I found myself needing comfort food films more than anything else during this time. Here is a running diary of my thoughts. The goal is to give you some interesting insight, perhaps a few recommendations, and ultimately to share my experiences, because during this time of isolation we all crave connection. If you have gone through a similar cinematic odyssey, reply to this email and share it with me!
Spenser Confidential (2020)
At the very end of this movie there's a title card that comes on the screen that reads, "Lobstah." Not a location, not a necessary piece of information, not even a real word, just a sorta joking misspelling to demonstrate the Boston accent. That was the moment I considered the possibility that this movie knew just how bad it truly was, and I began wondering whether that was Netflix's directive all along.
If I told you there was a high budget direct-to-Netflix movie that brings together a brand name director and an A-list movie star, features a dizzying tonal mix of high octane action with slapstick comedy and emotional stakes, and was edited together so sloppily with rapid cuts that one wonders whether people watched the thing before publishing it, would you think I'm talking about the Pete Berg-Mark Wahlberg project Spenser Confidential or the recently released Michael Bay-Ryan Reynolds vehicle 6 Underground?
I'm not usually someone who perpetuates conspiracy theories, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if the Netflix algorithm has figured out exactly what works on their platform (both titles have reportedly been very popular). Knowing you're watching from home, it's like they've timed out exactly when you're losing interest about to reach for your phone and then inserted some absolutely insane something. Maybe an explosion. Or a sex scene in a restaurant bathroom. No matter how bad it is, you don't stop watching. This movie tries to offer up a little bit of something for every type of viewer, with little concern for...ya know...narrative cohesion.
Ocean's Eleven (2001)
It's crazy to think I made my first trip to Las Vegas mere days before the entire town shut down, and the thought of handling slot machine handles and poker chips in a crowd of thousands of people induced gagging, like it does now. When I got back, I wanted nothing more than to see this iconic portrayal of Sin City, which I knew by heart but never by experience. I now know what it's like to stare wide-eyed at the Bellagio fountains, though admittedly not after stealing $164 million from the casino vault. The rewatch was an incredibly rewarding experience, and I've concluded that this movie is basically flawless. Great premise, bulletproof script, INSANE cast all at peak charm levels. So fun. Whether you're fresh off a Vegas voyage or not, there's never a bad time to revisit this classic.
Intolerable Cruelty (2003)
When I was tearing through all the Coen Brothers movies for the first time, I remember really enjoying this romp about a divorce attorney (George Clooney) and the gold digger (Catherine Zeta-Jones) he falls for. In every discussion I've read or heard about the co-directors since, critics describe this effort as the low point in their careers. So after seeing just how charming George Clooney could be as Danny Ocean, I felt I was ready for a reevaluation.
I'll accept complaints of hollow silliness, which is a tendency of the Coens (The Hudsucker Proxy and The Ladykillers being other examples), but their comic sensibility still carries a level of winking cleverness that few comedies can reach. And their ability to create memorable supporting characters, including here "Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy" and Gus "the ass pounder" Petch (played by Cedric the Entertainer), is truly second to none in all of film history.
Black Mother (2018)
So I went and got a 14-day trial of the Criterion Channel with absolutely zero intention of keeping the subscription service, until I forgot to cancel it in time, and now I feel obligated to make the most of the one month of access I have purchased. Thankfully I got a recommendation from one of my favorite movie podcasts, "The Big Picture" of the Ringer network, to dive into this documentary on modern Jamaica.
It has no narrative arc, instead loosely building around the three trimesters of a pregnancy, with each marking a different meditation on some facet of Jamaican life. Director/one-man-creator Khalik Allah is a photographer by trade, so it's no surprise that his images are hauntingly beautiful and radically human. But I was more impressed with the Jamaican people, who are poverty-stricken and have to rely on faith even when the church and everything around them is failing them. As a piece of anthropology, this is one of the most interesting 75 minutes you could have all year.
Anna Karenina (2012)
In much the same way this book got assigned in high school and then went unread, I was aware of Joe Wright's period piece trilogy (Atonement and Pride & Prejudice being the others) without ever taking the time to watch them. Frankly, it was always hard to tell the difference, considering Keira Knightley stars in all three wearing what appears to be variations of the same dress. The thing that drew me to this title of the three -- and you'll be amazed to learn it was not its roots in classical Russian literature -- was the construction of the movie as a stage play.
If that description made you stop and say..."huh?"...you're not alone. But it's true. All the action takes place behind a classic proscenium, with scenes transitioning by the swift addition and subtraction of mobile sets and props, and many areas of the "stage" being repurposed for different settings in the movie. It's gimmicky but effective in creating a spontaneous energy, and doesn't lose any immersion in the process. As for the story...well...I respect comrade Tolstoy but this felt a bit like homework.
The Hangover (2009) ... kinda
After watching a self-serious movie based on 19th century Russian literature, and still riding the fumes of my Las Vegas trip, I cued up the ultimate palate cleanser movie. It made me smile, then about 40 minutes in I realized that I had seen this movie so many times I was anticipating every single funny line and funny moment before it happened. When I found myself subconsciously quoting in real time "it's on the corner of Get A Map and F*** Off" alongside Matt Walsh's doctor character, I knew it was time to bail.
Due Date (2010)
So I pivoted to Zach Galifianakis's other breakout comedy, which is currently streaming on HBO. I hadn't seen it since it came out in theaters, and the thing that struck me this time around is how sturdy the structure of the screenplay is. This movie works on the page regardless of which actors play the parts. Which is funny, because this movie can only be remembered as an acting showcase for Galifianakis and a cape-less Robert Downey Jr.
Don't expect anything revolutionary here. Galifianakis plays an oaf and Downey plays a smart ass, as one would expect, in a classic road trip movie. But there are a few undeniably hilarious bits, and general fun for the rest of the brisk 95-minute run time.
Criss Cross (1949)
Every couple months, I'll catch the noir bug (there's a coronavirus joke there somewhere). Any time people ask me what my favorite genre is, it's an easy answer (technically I say "noir" instead of "neo-noir" because saying "noir" is already snooty enough). Still, it's tough to beat a well-done golden age classic: the hard luck hero, the femme fatale, the seedy world of gangsters and heists and revenge. This movie has all three, with a fair bit of double-crossing sprinkled on top. The next noirs on my list: The Killers and He Walks By Night.
It's really a shame that no one has taken a stab at remaking and updating some of these original noirs for the modern era (*downloads screenwriting software*).
Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
See, it's movies like this that go and ruin it for the Fast and Furious's and other dime-a-dozen action movies of the world. Because it shows what action movies could be. It takes a high concept (think Groundhog's Day) and legit movie stars (Tom Cruise and Emily Blount), then gives us something that's exciting and surprising while still maintaining a degree of syrup-y sweetness that let's you know you're in for a good time. As I've said many times before, there are few things better than a well executed gimmick. If I were to make a list of my favorite action movies, this one has certainly joined the conversation.
Snowpiercer (2013)
If the 2020 Oscars taught us anything, it is this. WATCH EVERYTHING BONG JOON-HO HAS EVER MADE. I was early to the Okja train, but somehow had never seen this dystopian thriller starring Chris Evans. PSA: Both are currently on Netflix and are excellent.
Anyway, Bong brings his same, now-signature dissection of class division to a really basic premise: the earth has frozen over and the only surviving humans live on a single train. Rich people in the front living a life of luxury, poor people in the back working as slaves. The slaves attempt to stage a coup. But if you think the movie is as simple as that, you don't know Bong Joon-Ho. Just as in all his work, it's beautiful and resonant and "so metaphorical!"
A Hard Day's Night (1964)
One thing I should also mention about my Las Vegas trip. While I was there, I went to a Cirque du Soleil show that was based on the career of the Beatles. It was mind-blowing, and ever since then I've been listening to Beatles' music non-stop. So, making use of my Criterion subscription, I found this part-music video, part-semi-autobiographical movie about what it's like to be John, Paul, George or Ringo.
It's a fascinating piece of myth-making, and when compared to the atrocity that was the Taylor Swift documentary from earlier this year, I can't help but like the band more for their ability to play heightened, silly versions of themselves and make fun of their own reputations (especially Ringo, what a good sport). In doing a little reading after my watch, I also learned that this movie revolutionized what music videos could be in the future. Man, I tell ya what, those Beatles...remember the name...they might become something one day.
Contagion (2011)
By now, it's old news for me to report to you the resurgence of this underrated Steven Soderbergh gem from a decade ago, thanks to its unbelievable resemblance to our current pandemic. I've recommended it to a few people, most of whom declined to watch it because, "it hits a little too close to home."
Reader, these people were right. In this particular moment, I suggest this might be the scariest movie on the entire planet. It basically plays out like a worst-case-scenario documentary of exactly what we're going through, with a cold precision on things like government response, vaccine testing and exploitation. It's a fantastic movie, very precise filmmaking, with a crazy cast of famous people playing thankless roles (Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jude Law, Laurence Fishburne, Marion Cotillard, Kate Winslet, Elliot Gould, Bryan Cranston etc etc). If you're thinking about watching this movie, especially for the first time, consider this your warning.
The Big Lebowski (1998)
After an experience as unsettling as Contagion, I immediately had to flip on my all time favorite comfort food movie (ok, tied with Swingers). Oddly, unlike The Hangover, knowing every line and gag in this movie only makes it more funny to. I need to think more about the distinction there. In fact, I don't think you can fully appreciate this movie upon first viewing. It's too bizarre, too unexpected.
Upon repeat viewings it ages like fine wine (interestingly, it's the same way I feel about another Coens' gem, Inside Llewyn Davis). Please, don't let that stop you from starting this journey with The Dude (Jeff Bridges), Walter (John Goodman) and Donny (Steve Buscemi) through the hilarious underbelly of 1990s Los Angeles. It's one of the funniest movies ever made. But that's just...like...my opinion, man.
Emma (2020)
The biggest topic of discussion in the movie industry right now is the survival of movie theaters. Will their current shutdown accelerate the trend of people preferring to watch movies at home? We saw the first test of that theory this week, when Paramount put its theater releases immediately on-demand: the well-received thriller The Invisible Man, firestorm-starter The Hunt, and Jane Austen adaptation Emma. A $20 price point was established, though it remains to be seen if that number could rise for more anticipated releases (or if those will just get pushed back). It's as low as the studio could go, but one week of results tell us consumers aren't overly willing to pay $20 when they could just find something that is 70% as good on Netflix for "free" (marginal cost...that subscription price will keep rising).
As for the actual movie, I think it's an entirely competent but unspectacular Austen adaptation. The front half of the movie attempts to modernize the subgenre, with an Instagram-worthy aesthetic and humor that was borderline parodying Victorian movies altogether. But it's difficult to make fun of something then ask the audience to take it seriously, so the back half of the narrative evolves into a more traditional and sappy drama. It makes the climax work, but in the process losses some of what made this version of an oft-told story unique.
Hunt for the Wilderpeople (2016)
Directors have long complained about the inconvenience of working with child actors. Not so for Taika Waititi, who before making this past year's JoJo Rabbit worked with an early teen in this action comedy. Why is he so good with them? The more I thought about it, I realized that Waititi's movies (which he writes and directs) all possess a youthful quality. They are innocent, ridiculous, and never to be taken too seriously. In many ways kids are the perfect avatar for his sensibilities.
In this adventure, an orphan in New Zealand is assigned to a rural home until his foster mother dies. The state tries to reclaim the kid, but he escapes with his foster father into "the bush," a vast and uncharted wilderness. It may sound like a serious premise, but the movie is full of laughs and impossibly sweet. I'd recommend any of Waititi's movies for a light-hearted and good-natured experience.
Out of Sight (1998)
It was at this point I realized this was the third Steven Soderbergh movie I'd seen in the past week and a half. That dude does not get the credit he deserves as one of the modern masters. And Out of Sight the peak of the early stage of Soderbergh's career. The movie will always be known for the charismatic, undeniably sexy performances of its stars, George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez, but what could be just a silly fun romp is elevated by some really sophisticated nonlinear storytelling and stylish camera movements. So yeah, it's corny and charming, but also way more creative than it has any right to be.
Adaptation (2002)
Who is the greatest screenwriter of all time? Nobody can answer definitively. But. Who is the most interesting screenwriter of all time? That is a question with only one answer: Charlie Kaufman. His movies are creative, unique, fascinating, and let's just be honest, batshit crazy. Who could ever come up with the premise behind Being John Malkovich? Or could turn a rom-com into Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind? And who could possibly explain what the hell is going on in Synecdoche, New York?
This movie should've been an adaptation of Susan Orlean's acclaimed non-fiction book "The Orchid Thief." Except Kaufman does it by writing a movie ABOUT Charlie Kaufman trying to adapt "The Orchid Thief," and the way on-screen Kaufman decides to do it is by writing a movie about Charlie Kaufman adapting "The Orchid Thief." If that sounds just mind-blowingly strange, well, it is. That's just classic Kaufman. Somehow he always makes it work. And did I mention, this movie is starring Nic Cage playing two roles as twin brothers? That's all you need to know.
Rookie of the Year (1993)
Thursday was supposed to be opening day for Major League Baseball. What better way to celebrate than to return to a movie I legitimately have not seen since I was a child, probably younger than the 12-year-old protagonist who breaks his arm and gains the ability to throw 100-mph fast balls. I think the thing that impressed me the most is how absolutely shameless and not self-aware people were in the 90s. I mean that as the highest compliment. Everything from the way this movie is written to the way the actors inhabit their roles demonstrates self expression that truly doesn't care what other people think. That's almost unfathomable today. Anyway, the movie holds up and if I were still a child I would've really loved it!