Every Movie I Watched in 2019, Ranked

2019 Movies: The Center Will Not Hold

The only thing proven by the 2019 year in movies is that we are 12 months further down the rabbit hole. The art and commerce rift has widened into a seismic gap. Streaming giants continue to swallow the industry whole. Television has become the destination for adult storytelling.

And yet, despite the echoes of death knells that have been ringing for decades, movies remain our dominant cultural myth-maker. They continue to be made and watched. I truly believe -- otherwise I wouldn't have created this newsletter -- that the role of a tastemaker has never been more important. Everyone needs a guide willing to dive in head first, watch 162 movies (51 from this calendar year) spanning the spectrum of quality, and emerge with a road map.

This is now my third year curating this list, and in my personal opinion, it's the weakest of the three. There are still strong entries near the top, but the list dips quickly into the realm of mediocre before dropping off a cliff, prompting me to rip off the Joan Didion title (as a recently relocated Angeleno who for the time being maintains an outsider perspective, you all should be grateful this is my first usage).

Anyway, without further ado, I have ranked and categorized the movies of 2019 just for you. What's your favorite movie of the year? Top 5? Reply to this email and let me know. Love to hear from you all. Happy New Year!

The All-Timers (A+)

1. Parasite: A technical masterpiece that succeeds both on the surface as a seat-gripping thriller, and provides endless layers of subtext to be peeled back. Bong Joon-ho somehow tackles something as big as Korea's economic caste system and as small as family dynamics with equal sharpness and surprising humor.

2. Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood: Actors, hippies and jean jackets. Quentin Tarintino created a world you want to live inside. Leo and Brad filled it with hall of fame worthy performances. Similar to last year's A Star is Born, this is a movie I know I'll be rewatching for the rest of my life.

The Must Watchers (A)

3. Waves: It's cheesy but not an exaggeration to say this movie stirs something up deep inside your soul. You WILL cry guaranteed, unless you're a psychopath, but the movie is much more than a tear-jerker. It redefines true human empathy. Amongst the chaos of 2019, that feels even more necessary.

4. Toy Story 4: To prove that I am not in fact a scrooge when it comes to blockbusters, young adult fare, or even sequels! This movie is whitty, surprising, and sharp. And yeah, I admit, the nostalgia of Tom Hanks-as-Woody and Tim Allen-as-Buzz hits me in a very particular soft spot, considering I was born in the same year the first of these movies was released.

5. Peanut Butter Falcon: In terms of feel-good programming, it can't possibly get any better than this charming Mark Twain-esque adventure through the deep south starring Shia LaBeouf alongside down syndrome actor Zack Gottsagen. Unapologetic joy.

6. Knives Out: The absolute best possible version of a popcorn movie, Rian Johnson and a star-studded cast redefine the whodunit genre using both convention and innovation.

7. Uncut Gems: A two hour anxiety-riddled thrill ride, like riding in a car with someone driving 20 mph too fast and weaving through traffic. Adam Sandler is funny and compelling as a New York diamond dealer with a crippling gambling addiction, playing opposite outsized figures like Kevin Garnett, Mike Francesa and Idina Menzel.

The Damn Good Timers (A-)

8. Jojo Rabbit: The funniest movie of the year just so happens to be about a young Nazi and his imaginary friend, Hitler. The comedy lands much harder than the social commentary, since Taika Waititi would rather delight his audiences than challenge them. Fine by me in this case.

9. Booksmart: Olivia Wilde's directorial debut showed an impressive ability to fulfill the long tradition of high school comedy and bring contemporary culture to the fore. The movie is "woke" in every way, except for probably the most important: every character in this movie is rich and privileged AF (as the kids say).

10. Little Women: I had zero interest in the book or the 1994 movie version, but this story became mandatory viewing once Greta Gerwig took the reigns. She delivered, making a story about unmarried sisters in the Civil War feel somehow modern and fresh. I guess it helps to have the three most exciting young actors in the world working for you (Saoirse Ronan, Florence Pugh, Timothée Chalamet).

11. Apollo 11: The first documentary entry of the year is a harrowing account of man's first mission to the moon. It's stitched together like a dramatic movie using some incredibly intimate footage and the NASA comm line. Should be mandatory viewing for Americans (especially conspiracy theorists).

12. Ford vs. Ferrari: Everyone on the internet showered this movie in the worst backhanded compliments possible. They labeled it "a great Dad movie." I get that ironic detachment is the thing right now, and a movie this earnest therefore cannot be cool, but I dare anyone to go see this movie and not have a great time. It flies through every sports movie pit stop gleefully.

The Lot to Likers (B+)

13. Ad Astra: A meditative look through the eyes of astronaut Brad Pitt at the question: is there life out there, somewhere? And is there life in here, inside me? Woah dude...that's deep. This movie is gorgeous, and to be honest, so is Pitt.

14. Us: Following up Get Out was always going to be an impossible task, but it speaks well of the rest of Jordan Peele's career that he took such a creative risk here instead of smoothing out his edges for the masses. This movie is more style than substance, and the actual plot mechanics here are really tough to decipher, but the technical craft comes in at an elite level.

15. Wild Rose: Jessie Buckley steals center stage as an ex-convict trying to balance her young kids with her big dreams of making it as a country music star. There are actually a lot of similarities in theme to Parasite when she takes a job as a housekeeper for a rich family. But her struggle is genuinely emotional and her music is unquestionably impressive!

16. The Irishman: Long movies is what Martin Scorcese does, so complaining about this movies outrageous 209-minute runtime is boring. It's on Netflix, so feel free to watch in parts. Along the way, there are a handful of truly iconic Scorcese moments and scenes, and a fitting send off for an era of silver screen gangsters: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino and Joe Pesci.

17. Richard Jewell: When I'm 89 years old, I hope to be doing anything as well as Clint Eastwood makes movies. This one was classic late-era Clint, presenting a straight narrative with a single strong point of view, but it's his best in over a decade. Paul Walter Hauser walks away the breakout star-to-be as titular Olympic bombing hero.

18. Bombshell: This Fox News #MeToo takedown feels exciting and of the moment, and will be remembered for the way Charlize Theron literally transforms into Megyn Kelly. Making Kelly the untainted hero of this story, on the other hand, is a little more complicated.

19. Won't You Be My Neighbor: Mr. Rogers' enduring purity overshadows the movie, but the nicest thing anything can say about it is that Tom Hanks embodies his spirit admirably.

20. Official Secrets: The biggest surprise of the year for me is this British docudrama, which turned document leaks into a legitimately compelling story. Keira Knightley carries the movie, and you'll leave asking a lot of real world moral questions after watching.

21. Marriage Story: I'm grateful to not have as much personal experience with divorce, otherwise this movie would've probably ranked much higher on the list. Noah Baumbach is note perfect, and Adam Driver gives the best acting performance of the year playing off Scarlett Johansson.

22. American Factory: Definitely the most interesting documentary of the year, packed full of fascinating anthropological observations from a factory in Dayton, Ohio, that gets bought and taken over by a Chinese corporation. It really becomes East vs. West.

23. Joker: The only movie in 2019 that chose to address the darkness in the world by portraying it. The result was a clever spin on the famous villain, though it gets weighed down by the Batman mythology. The plot is a dead rip off, the mood is unnecessarily bleak, and unexplained issues are confused with profundity.

The Came and Wenters (B-)

24. John Wick 3: You know exactly what you're getting here, GREAT action sequences. This time bigger and crazier, and with a horse.

25. Rocketman: Elton John jukebox is enough to elevate this otherwise middling biopic that plays it a little too safe with the life and legacy of the man behind the artist.

26. 1917: An entire two-hour movie constructed to look like one continuous take. It's a gimmick that's awesome but overtakes the movie, and doesn't allow for the necessary backstory and context that could've raised the emotional stakes.

27. Ready or Not: A very fun, very bloody and very mediocre action comedy with a great premise: deadly hide-and-seek.

28. Late Night: Mindy Kahling's female empowerment comedy landed with a thud both critically and commercially. It does have funny moments, but it tries way too hard.

29. Midsommar: I acknowledge that this movie was of a quality much higher than this positioning, but I just did NOT get it. It's a horror movie that isn't scary, instead reaching for existential dread. Brilliantly crafted and acted, but suuuuuper weird.

30. Yesterday: Somehow bungled the greatest movie premise of all time, and still got saved saved by the timeless awesomeness of the Beatles' music and Lily James' unlimited charm.

31. The Dead Don't Die: It's crazy to think this is Adam Driver's like fourth best performance of the year. He's great playing next to Bill Murray in this meta-spoof on the zombie genre that has entirely more laughs than it needs to.

32. High Flying Bird: Shot entirely on an iPhone, with a simple premise and a very convoluted plot about an NBA lockout and social media rights. Don't think too hard, just sit back and watch Steven Soderbergh cook.

33. The Laundromat: Oh look, Soderbergh again. This movie is more coherent and more polished, but far wackier. It's fourth-wall-breaking construction is jarring, and its point of view is a little too pointed for my liking. But hard to complain when you've got Meryl Streep, Gary Oldman and Antonio Banderas on board!

34. Hustlers: Jennifer Lopez is stunning, nothing else in the frame matters. Or the film, for that matter.

The Forgot About Funers (C+)

35. Queen & Slim: Never lived up to the glorious first trailer, opting to ask a lot of really difficult questions about race in America and let the absence of answers linger in the air.

36. Diego Maradona: An interesting documentary portrait of a man who was treated like a god, and what effect that had on him. Respect to the verité style but a story like this could have been a bit more pulpy.

37. The Two Popes: An acting showcase for Anthony Hopkins and Johnathan Pryce in what basically amounts to a two hour discussion of catholicism in the 21st century. If it's not a topic that interests you, the word you may use would be "boring."

38. Bikram: Yogi, Guru, Predator: Another rise and fall of a megalomaniac via sexual abuse allegations. The documentary tries to blow open the larger fraud of this yoga master's fake background, but can't quite get there evidence wise.

The Jangly Baby Toys (C-)

39. Avengers: Engame: I appreciated the enormity of what this movie had to do, ending a 22-movie franchise arc, much more after watching the debacle that was Star Wars IX. Everything about Marvel is competent. And safe. Still so safe.

40. Triple Frontier: You can see much money Netflix spent on this star-studded alpha male extravaganza in its opening shot, where every tough hunk in Hollywood is riding in a helicopter while licensed Metallica blares. Uuu rah.

41. Zombieland: Double Tap: Some times it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. No one asked for this 10-year old sequel, which is fun but does nothing for the truly awesome original.

42. Stuber: A critical and commercial bomb that for me was one of the most forgettable movies of the year. I remember it being fine but couldn't tell you much about what happened outside of the premise, an update on Collateral using Kumail Nanjiani and Dave Bautista.

43. Always Be My Maybe: I found this formulaic rom-com to be pretty stupid, but the surprise cameo in the middle of the movie makes this entire thing worth watching. It's hilarious and I don't want to spoil it.

44. The Lion King: A literal shot-for-shot remake using fancy new CGI paint, one of the most shameless cash grabs in movie history. And it worked too.

45. IT Chapter 2: By choosing to lean in to the supernatural weirdness of Stephen King, this sequel lost all of its magic. Bill Hader and the rest of the great cast was wasted on crap material.

46. Hobbs and Shaw: Mildly fun and abundantly dumb, this movie feels like several Instagram videos smash-cut together. Odd to me that The Rock always has great chemistry with his male co-stars and never with his female co-stars?

47. 6 Underground: A totally bewildering fever dream of an experience that trots across the globe and leaves massive waves of destruction in its wake. Michael Bay's latest can only be enjoyed by laughing directly at it.

The Truly Terrible Ones (F)

48. The Goldfinch: A joyless slog through truly depressing material, which may have made a good book but should never have been made into a movie. Too boring to even be sad.

49. The Beach Bum: Speaking of material that wasn't movie-worthy, this movie is basically just an SNL sketch of Matthew McConaughey playing a drunk poet expanded to last two hours, with no real plot to keep it on course. It wanders into high seas (pun intended) and never returns.

50. Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker: There has never been a movie with more nonexistent stakes, which totally ruins all suspense for viewers. If there are no consequences to any actions, does anything matter? Other than the fate of the whole universe, apparently. Hard not to be convinced that decisions were made to sell plush toys.

51. Glass: Even Star Wars was unable to unseat this as the worst movie of the year. It's truthfully one of the worst movies I've ever watched. The quality of writing is abhorrent, from misbegotten characters to unacceptable storylines (a girl has a crush on her institutionalized former rapist?) to dialogue you absolutely cannot believe they got three reputable actors to say. It's shocking how bad it is.